What a Shame

I hear this song from Shinedown and it just reminds me of him. J was different than every other guy I had ever met. I met him at church, of all places. It was Christmas of 2007 and he and I were rebel Christians, which gave us an instant bond. Our relationship has been an interesting one. Mostly of us just being friends but actually wanting to be with one another when we are together. We sleep together pretty much every time we are home.

We went on our first date shortly after we met. We went to the movies over an hour away from home because Sweeney Todd wasn't playing anywhere else. He was young and careless in his driving. I shouldn't say much because I'm only a year older than him. We made church more bearable for one another.

He joined the Marine Corps in October of 2008. I spent Christmas without him; our year anniversary without him. I didn't cope well. I would nearly break down in tears without him by my side in church. That is so pathetic. He is/was my best friend. He always made everything better and made me happy. He would enjoy the fact that I didn't want to go out and be around other people. We could be hermits together.

His roommate from school just got married. I am friends with the wife on facebook. It kills me to see them there and happy. I know that could be J and I. It should be us. But I'm not going to give up everything that I've worked for to be with someone. I've worked hard for the education I've gotten and I'm not going to just give it up.

Despite what happens when I'm at school, I want to be with him. He doesn't understand how busy or stressed I am and he is not here to deal with it, so it is unfair that he would expect me to resign myself to be with him when he is 500 miles away. I'm not going out and actively looking for someone to hook up with but I don't feel it's fair to be told what you can and cannot do when there isn't much understanding or relationship going on.